So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
