"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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