So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
