your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
