I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
