One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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