you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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