Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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