The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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