I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
