why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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