tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
