my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
