So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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