his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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