What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
