i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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