It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
