I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
