dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
