Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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