youre lurking in front of me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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