Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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