I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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