I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
