Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
