I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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