You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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