last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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