Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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