1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
