i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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