I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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