There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize