My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
