Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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