the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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