Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
