She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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