i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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