The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
