So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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