i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize