Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
