he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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