Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
