its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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