let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize