So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
