I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
