Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize