i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
