Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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