If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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