I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize