How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
