I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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