how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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