Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
