I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
