I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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