Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just cropdusted the office
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
