birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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