so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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