Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
