I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
