We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
