So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
