woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
