yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
