I hate all girls vehemently.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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