it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
