I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Randomize
