NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize