Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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