Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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