I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize