I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
