Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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