so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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