After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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