i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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