you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
