My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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