just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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