Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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