This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
