I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
