Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
