just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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