Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
