i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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