In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
