lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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