So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
