Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
