i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
