I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
