You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
