Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
