So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
