I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
COCAINE IS GR8
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
