You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize