found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
