What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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