I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
