When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
